i wish I had more
more will
more strength
more
to give you up
to rid myself of you
to destroy
destroy
the feelings i have for you
to banish them
to destroy

i can’t
can’t describe my feelings for you
it is fire
a warmth encompassing my body
surrounding me
and it spreads through me
travels down my veins
overtaking me
capturing me
in it’s essence
in it’s warmth
but then a spark
a spark
is upon me
and i am on
fire
burning
i am covered
consumed
and i am on
fire
it is upon me
burning
flaming
scorching
until i am gone
reduced
to nothing
to ashes

and yet
i still feel
love
for you
your presence enchants me
puts me under
a spell
and i am charmed
enticed
captivated in your trance
and i cry
cry out
for mercy
for help
but you do nothing
you have no sympathy
no forgiveness
no pity
you stand unharmed
unaffected
uncaring
and i burn
burn
until nothing
until

i am nothing

it is complicated
the way i feel for you
one moment it is love
and the love is a fire
an all-consuming
exquisite
beautiful fire
but the fire burns too fast
too bright
and it burns me
to black ashes

but the next hour
it is agony that i feel
and the agony is the setting sun
the knowledge
that what has been lost
will never be regained
the reality
that i have lost
the one thing
i wished i would never loose

but then comes the hate
weighing on me like the forgotten grave
cold
dark
dead as the midnight hour

yet i miss you
and i try
oh how i try
to forget
to rid myself of your presence
but how can i
it is impossible
when every way i turn
you are there

in the rising sun
in the quiet wind
in the shining stars
in the singing wren
you
you remain
like a dull ache
i cannot rid my chest of
you
you run through my veins
and i cannot rid myself
of the thing
that keeps me alive

and it is agony
the realization
that i am no longer a part of you
it is agony
to see you
and look into your beautiful eyes
and see them elsewhere
it is agony
that you
no longer belong to me

this
this misery
it is destroying me
it is tearing me down
piece
by
piece
and there is not much left of me

you took the best of me
you snatched it from my giving hands
you took it from my willing self
and i
i gave it to you eagerly
with the foolish hopes
that you
might be so kind as to return the gift

but now
now you are gone
gone as the unreturning river
and you took me with you
and you are still taking me
and i am here
memory haunted
empty handed
with unseeing eyes

cold
(r.L.)